One day you will be able to read this letter about your daddy, and I hope that when you do, you will understand that even though you cannot see him, he watches over you. And even though he cannot talk to you, you can always talk to him. And though your time together was cut so very, painfully short, know that he is with you still.
We knew your name before we even decided to have you. I did, anyway. But I had to earn it. I had to convince your daddy to have another baby after all the work your sister was.
There was also this fear he carried, and one day you will understand this, too. Could we love someone as much as we loved Lila already?
But when you picked your own birthday on that hot and sunny Thursday afternoon in June, we both realized that it's true what they say about love and your children... you don't have to divide it up, it multiplies with them.
Your daddy was so tired after all the "work" he did delivering you... See him laying down back there? It must have been hard for him.
Ok, so even though I did the hard part that day, and the 9 months before that, he really picked up the slack at home. He got up with you at night more than I did. And now I am glad I made him. Sometimes, the strongest bonds are made at 3am.
He loved this neon pajama set on you, because he loved all things loud and bright and bold. Like your mama.
We immediately had to capture on film how small and beautiful you were at just 4 days new, and that look of love on his face is real, baby girl.
(Photo by www.yourcandidmemories.com)
You liked to watch motorcycle races with him every Sunday. He would even willingly get up with you at 3am to listen to the live practices across the globe!
And he loved to make you laugh by bouncing you on his lap. No matter his mood, if you smiled, he smiled. He was no match for your gummy grin!
He took you to your friends' birthday parties... But you were tired, so he carried you the whole time. Ask me about "hashtags" one day. #partypooper
He loved to take naps with you on lazy Saturday mornings (and on busy Saturday mornings), and he did so every chance you gave him.
For your first Halloween, he took you trick or treating in your stroller! You were a ghost that year.
And when Lila wanted to practice holding you, he made sure it was always on a soft surface...
He took you to the park to swing for your first time! He stood there and pushed you for an hour at that busy park, even though other kids probably wanted a turn. But he didn't care about what those kids wanted...
And he liked to take selfies with you, just like any respectable father would do.
Seriously. Motorcycle races every Sunday.
I want you to know, that I know you already don't remember him. I don't want you to feel sad one day when you can better understand this. All I want is for you to look at the pictures, listen to the stories, watch the videos, and trust me that your daddy was the best daddy you could have wished for. A protector, a provider, and he loved you. You made him proud and gave him joy and meaning in his life. He would never leave you willingly. And one day, not soon, you will see him again. That reminds me... ask me about Jesus, too.