Monday, March 24, 2014

Impatiently waiting...

  This post is just a quick one for those who have asked me how Jason died... and let's be honest, for those who are wondering, but afraid to ask. And that is understandable. I don't take offense to people wondering how a healthy 32-year-old man just dies in a matter of about 6 hours.  I'm sure some have even combed back through this blog to see if they missed something. Trust me, I have been combing through the last year or so, to see if I missed something, as well. I mean, really how does this happen? It certainly takes away the "funny" from the joke made in the ER that night to "call Dr. House." I think it was I who made that joke, before I knew what was really happening. I feel guilty for that now.

  So, here is what news I have for you. 


It's been over 5 weeks since his death and I am still waiting for a final ruling on cause of death and manner of death. I am not throwing stones at the medical examiner's office, though. If you know me, you know that I am not one to let things that concern myself or my family go on without my diligent attention. I press, and I press hard. So, it won't surprise you that I have been in constant contact with them and they have been very nice. Cathy from the medical examiner's office, if you ever stumble across this blog and are reading this one day, thank you for your candor, tact, and prompt responses. Anyhow, they sent off for labs on Jason, including toxicology, blood and histology (tissues). I know the toxicology has already come back and is negative, which means there was nothing in his system like drugs, alcohol, etc. This is not news to me, since Jason and I do not participate in drug use of any kind. But they have to do those tests in cases like these. The doctor is still reviewing his tissues and I know that something has come back positive in his blood. I have some suspicions about what, but I don't know for sure.
Also, the doctor will be presenting Jason's case to the critical case review panel, which is a meeting among doctors where they present cases on which they are working, and wish to get a consensus on. 
I have been assured that this particular doctor is very thorough and leaves no stone unturned.  For that I am grateful. It is nerve-racking and stress-invoking beyond the mere words that I can begin to formulate today. I assure you that years have literally been shaved off my life. Today, I feel far older than my years should allow.

 But there is nothing I can do about it... except wait my turn. And I promise to let you know when I know. There is nothing to hide. Nothing funny going on, at least on our end.
        Thank you for your support. I am so grateful for good people. 


  1. praying for answers, soon :) bless you and then beautiful girls

  2. My heart goes out to you Claire. When my baby, my 17 year old son, died in a one car accident nothing at the scene gave any indication as to why it happened, according to the Trooper that investigated. So, I hoped that the autopsy would give me the answers I needed. I waited 8 long weeks only to receive a very clinical reason for his death. I wanted somebody to tell me why not how. Needless to say, that piece of paper didn't give me my answers. I hope yours gives you what you need. You and your children are in my prayers.

  3. Claire - I was in your exact shoes almost two years ago. I lost my 31 year old husband in a matter of hours with no warning. My children, were only ages 2 and 8 at the time. Prayers you will have answers soon. I feel like I stumbled on your blog for a reason.

  4. Claire first and foremost I am so sorry for your loss. It is a void that no one can fill for you and your precious daughters. I too stumbled onto your blog by way of a facebook post. You are an exceptional writer. The story that you are sharing will surely make a difference in many people's lives. Please continue to tell your story and know that it will reach an audience that is in need of it. My prayers go out to you and your family. God has a plan, even if we don't know what it is. I think he has big plans for you and your girls. Live on with an open heart and make the most of it!